How Imposter Syndrome Keeps Us Stuck

First described by psychologists in 1978, the phenomenon is more prevalent than ever since the dawn of social media. 

What is imposter syndrome?

There are lots of versions of it, but ultimately imposter syndrome is that feeling that you’re not as good as people think you are, or expect you to be. It’s often accompanied by a fear that you may at any time be exposed as a fraud. 

Most people think about imposter syndrome in the context of their career, but it can extend to any area of your life where you feel pressure to meet expectations. 

It’s more commonly reported by women, but anyone can experience imposter syndrome, and it can have some very negative effects on our lives.

What does it feel like?

Imposter syndrome can present in a variety of ways, but it’s likely that if you are suffering from it, you feel like a fraud who is perpetrating a very clever ruse. 

You may feel as though you are wearing a disguise, pretending to be someone who is much more competent than you really believe yourself to be. It may seem as though you are constantly in danger of falling short of the expectations of those around you. 

This can happen in work, or in your personal life. You may hold a position at work that you are afraid you’re not experienced or knowledgeable enough to have. Maybe you are in a management position and afraid that the staff you manage actually know more than you do. 

At home, imposter syndrome might be feeling like you’re not capable of living up to the expectations of a partner, friends, family, and even your own children. This is most likely because you are trying to measure your own abilities against your perception of other people’s achievements, rather than the reality of what they have achieved.

As a parent, you might find yourself falling short of the picture-perfect social media portrayals shared by friends and celebrities. This will inevitably lead to a sense that you are failing. Working parents might look longingly at beautifully Instagrammed family days out, while stay-at-home parents may feel that they are somehow falling short of the social expectations of what ‘modern parenting’ should be. 

Imposter syndrome feels like you are constantly fighting against the inevitability of letting people down. 

The dangers of imposter syndrome

Let’s face it, it’s thoroughly unpleasant to feel this way. It is exhausting to feel as though you are constantly pretending and waiting to be ‘found out’, but imposter syndrome can be a lot more damaging than that.

It eats away at your self confidence, and makes you feel as though you are simply not good enough. This can lead to high levels of anxiety, and a sense of dissatisfaction with your life. Imposter syndrome is also associated with depression, and burn-out. 

It makes you feel as though you are an imposter in your own life, and can leave you feeling as though your ‘perfect family', or ‘perfect job’ are a sham. 

This belief can hold you back and keep you from growing. If you feel as though you aren’t good enough to live up to your current position, it’s unlikely that you will seek opportunities to progress beyond it.

What can you do about it?

Your feeling of self worth may rely on your ability to meet or exceed expectations. But whose expectations are you trying to meet? Is it really your boss, your colleagues, your partner, or your children who are holding you to these standards?

Or is it you?

Your own difficulty in internalising your successes means that you struggle to recognise when you have done well. This is likely down to limiting beliefs that you hold about yourself. These beliefs are holding you back from becoming the person you are meant to be.

Until you are able to recognise your own achievements, you will continue to suffer from anxiety about your capability to meet the expectations of yourself and others.

Rather than chasing impossible standards of perfection, you need to remove the beliefs that say you are not good enough, and embrace yourself as you are. 

It’s only when you have a clear understanding of your true strengths and weaknesses that you can identify how to improve and grow. 

Breakthrough can help with that.